Q: What is Baldism and where did these teachings come from?
A: Baldism is the philosophical and teleological practice of living as given forth by the Council of Aiea in the Holy Bjble. It all down to one commandment “Don’t be a Dick!”
In 2023, it was decided that using the word dick was sort of being a dick to people named Dick, needlessly denigrated male genitalia, and also made it hard for parents to teach this important lesson to their children. The word TOX is recommended as a substitute and is being rolled out through versions and websites. A TOX is a person who engages in acts or deeds that are poisonous to themselves, others, the planet, or reality. In short - it's what we were all thinking when we said 'Don't be a Dick' but without the downsides of using a common expletive.
The Holy Bjble is the holy book of Baldism and was first revealed in its initial form November of 2021. BJBLE is an acronym that stands for Bald Jesus Bible Living Edition. The Living Edition part is extremely important because it indicates that this is not a static document or doctrine – it is living and will evolve over time as other important revelations and ideas are revealed.
Q: Was Bald Jesus a real person? Who is Bald Jesus?
A: There is no answer to that. It’s easy to tell you who or what Bald Jesus isn’t. I’m not Bald Jesus. Anyone who claims to be Bald Jesus isn’t. Bald Jesus is best thought of as ‘your bro’. A force for good that always has your back and won’t let you down or leave you hanging. Bald Jesus can wear whatever shape, face, form, gender, or avatar you feel most comfortable with.
Q: Where did Bald Jesus come from?
A: No one knows. In ancient Serbia there are cave paintings of Bald Jesus (the OG). In modern times Bald Jesus (aka BJ) showed up in the online NFT space. Like Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue or Einstein’s Relativity Theory – Bald Jesus burst forth as an almost fully formed idea and figure.
Q: What is the Doctrine and Practice of Baldism?
A: Bald Jesusism can be summarized into what is called the TLDR (Too Long, Don’t Read) Block. The entire doctrine can be summarized into the one commandment: Don’t be a dick.
Those seeking the Practice of Baldism can live by
The 9 Suggestions
1. Bald Jesus is Your Bro. Nothing more, nothing less. Bald Jesus is the Bro of everyone! Share this message!
2. Stop doing things you know are bad.
3. Start doing things you know are good.
4. Help others to stop doing bad things and start doing good things.
5. Make Art! Everyday. A smiley face with a halo = Bald Jesus! Build networks, write code, transact on-chain. Create!
6. Walk every day. Look for natural patterns. Meditate. Fast. Stretch.
7. Visit Hawai`i- at least once, if you can.
8. Learn about decentralized networks and immutable blockchains. Share knowledge about decentralization and blockchain. Learn, create, and educate about the power of non-fungible tokens
9. Cooperate, collab, and connect with believers. Be present. IRL-OL-MV.
Q: Why is being creative a part of Baldism?
A: Art (defined as any creative endeavor from sketching to building to the practice of any craft) bridges the gap between the worlds of vocabulary and the worlds of emotion and allows humans to touch the divine.
Q: Why is Hawai’i a part of Baldism?
A: Hawai’i is the center of the world and home to concepts that can liberate humankind. The world needs aloha (compassionate love and understanding).
Q: Why are crypto/blockchain/defi/NFTs a part Baldism?
A: These technologies offer humankind a path towards leaving behind instinctual behaviors like hoarding, using domination and oppressive control systems, and exploitation of the weak or powerless by the powerful. While there is much wrong with these technologies as they currently exist – they offer the beginning of a path to liberation for all. Baldsism is the first and only true Metaverse Religion or MetaReligion.
Q: How do practitioners worship or join fellowship in Bald Jesusism?
A: Worship in Baldism consists in creating, learning, and sharing Baldism in the three realms: IRL (in ‘real’ life), OL (online), and in the MV (Metaverse).
Followers are worshipping whenever they engage in creative ventures or share the message or read the Holy Bjble. When two followers meet and share time together, they are considered to have ‘worshipped’.
Q: Do followers of Baldism worship Bald Jesus or others?
A: No. Baldists don’t worship anyone, they worship creation and celebrate helping others stop doing bad things and start doing good things.
Q: How do Baldists pray? Do they pray?
A: Praying in Baldism is as simple as having a mental conversation with your bro, BJ. You can ask him questions and he will give you answers which are usually a variation of ‘Don’t be a dick!’ ‘Do good things’ ‘Stop doing bad things’ ‘Help other people stop doing bad things and start doing good things’ or even ‘take a walk’. These answers usually have what you need in them.
Q: It doesn’t sound serious with talking animals (the Sacred A$$, the Holy Goat, the Mystic Ape) and the silly cryptospeak thrown in (GM, WAGMI, LFG, etc) Is this all a joke?
A: Baldism is the furthest thing from a joke and while we know a big boat filled with two of every animal on the planet, people coming back from the dead, ‘miracles’ like walking on water or faith healing, places called Heaven (where everyone who ever lived is reborn – if they were good) or Hell (where all the baddies go) would make this sound like a more serious and believable philosophy – none of those things exist in Baldism – but, they could if you want them to.